Friday, March 11, 2011

Secrets secrets are no fun unless you share with..

No one.

Whenever I try to type the word "you" on my phone I usually screw up and write "toy" instead. Sometimes this makes me laugh. On the inside. I don't remember the last time I laughed out loud. It was probably today at something stupid. Oh yeah, swedish fish that cost 2.69 Keep your expensive swedish fish and your cold coffee for that matter.

Invisible.
Discarded.
Ignored.

You make me feel these things. Even though I can hear you breathing next to me. Toy.

The movie about Little Red Riding Hood that's coming out tomorrow made me think of you and I don't know why. Maybe because we went to the movies a lot and sometimes we got cheeseburgers even when we swore to go vegetarian. I wonder if I brought you a cheeseburger right now if you would eat it. Maybe not because you said you are sick. I don't like to hear that you are sick.

I care about people. I care a lot. I wrote something and I called it wolves and i showed it to you and then I felt embarrassed. Then last night I cried and felt even more embarrassed. It's just that you're beautiful and your special day will be equally so.

It just stinks here. Literally and the other word. Figuratively. I hope I spelled that right. The rain makes it smell and the smoke that's trapped in this little room makes it smell. Stink. Stank. Stunk.

A friend of mine told me that if my writing was shit he'd tell me. I haven't written anything but rambling for a long time and I think I like that best. I sent him something I felt complete and he said it was a good first rough draft. I soak in everything he says. It's weird.. He's dear to me. If I ever publish something I will call it Rough Draft: A Collection and dedicate it to him.

I washed my hair tonight.

2 comments:

margg. said...

tragically beautiful.

love.
xo

Kaleidoscope Girl said...

I love the stream of consiousness you write in.