skim milk blooms flowers at the surface of my second coffee today. i haven't slept yet. i haven't slept for the past two nights. my mind simply will not rest. every minute i feel the riptide that's a manic episode pulling me a little further under the surface, deeper into my own distorted reality. i should have seen it coming sooner. maybe i did i just don't remember. or i just didn't care. maybe i secretly wanted back on the ride. even knowing i'd be sick into a trash can surrounded by flies in the end.
i would try to write more, to help me understand. but it's hard to form even a complete sentence in my head.
it's selfish, it is. i have the help i need but the pills make you fat and they put you outside the bubble that is the world that is still moving on without you.
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