Monday, August 16, 2010

When I first met Andrew, we went out and did a lot of things. We were social, we went to parties, we went out and did things for the hell of it, etc.

Now we lay next to each other on a bed we made on the floor, surrounded by trash and dirty clothes. We have both sunk into this depression we can't get out of. Is it the drugs and our trying to get and stay clean while dealing with the unbearable physical pain that comes with it? Is it friends that have turned their backs on us both? We don't get calls to hang out anymore..


Did I drag him down with me? I don't feel depressed all the time, but I know it's something chronic that will always be inside my brain.

Is it my fault?
Is it contagious?

I'm not really looking for answers.. Just talking out loud.

Typing. Whatever.

I pray for us. I haven't prayed in years.

I love him. I haven't ever loved anyone like this before.

He gave me my ring yesterday.
Something good happened.

I just NEED us to find the strength to
finish getting better.

One of us will be burying the other long before it's time if we don't.

Baby gator.


Kanwalful said...

YOU! There's no reason for you to be depressed okay? You're one of the most privileged people in the world right now.

Where I'm living there are people starving, dying EVERYWHERE. Their houses are flooded and broken. One man tied his new born to a tree before drowning in the flood!

Is anything that bad happening to you? It isn't so pull yourself together and make yourself the reason for Andrew to feel good about life =)

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure if you know how much all of your words mean. I've read your entries for nearly as long as you've been writing on here. You've defined me-- a total stranger-- with what you have to say, because it's what you feel and it's what I feel, too. You're beautiful. Please don't stop writing.

Kanwalful said...

Aaaah Christina. You're my baby sister. I didn't mean to say what I did as a lecture or a pep talk. All I was saying was that you have LOTS of reasons to be happy - I mean you're smart, beautiful, have a great guy, a gorgeous sister ;). Sooooo just be happy babe. And private message me your number on facebook with area and country code so I can give you a call! =)

Kaleidoscope Girl said...

There's nothing stopping you from being free.