Friday, February 5, 2010

i'm a big fucking whiner.

An exorcism of sorts was done on the house I live in now. I didn't live here at the time. My stepmother had it done. She believed something evil was living here with her and my sister. I just found this out the other day. I would have NEVER pinned her as a person that would even consider these things. I didn't tell her that every since I moved back in 10 months ago that I have felt something. I'm not just saying this because I never really believed in the shit. I feel it in my room. My room is always about 40-50 degrees with the heat on. I am terrified in there. When I used to try to sleep in there I would have night terrors. When I go to get some clothes I feel something walking down behind me on the stairs. I never thought I would say this but I think whatever it is got a part of me. That is the only way to describe how I have felt lately and how rapidly I am deteriorating. I know of my mental and physical problems at the moment, but this, this is just unexplainable. There is not a part of me that is the same as how it was less than even six months ago. I'm afraid it will tear my relationship apart, I'm afraid physical symptoms that raise red flags of worry will keep showing up, there's new ones everyday, and I'm afraid one day the people who try so hard to wake me up at all hours of the day.. won't be able to.


If this could possibly be an explanation, wouldn't it affect everyone in the house?
Can it pick and choose?
I'm obviously the weakest at this time.
Does that make it easier?
I don't know anything about it.
I have this gut feeling I need to look into it though.
I'm scaring myself cause I would have laughed at this awhile ago.

11 comments:

Sam said...

I once had my dream car, and I took it on a road trip with me and a friend, and we went to St. Augustine and went on a few ghost tours. The guides kept talking about how spirits can follow you home unless you do this ritual chant thing and at the time I thought it was all bullshit. Its not, on our way home we almost got in a wreck at least 7 times, the cd kept changing the song randomly in the middle of a song, the interior lights would come on while I was driving and the only way to shut them off was to turn the car off and on. So when we got home I took a picture of interior of the car from the dashboard looking into the backseat and there was this wierd orangish looked like mist in the backseat and like four orb's floating in between the front seats. For about a month after the road trip everytime I would get in the car I would have this horrible feeling of dread/sadness wash over me to the point where I wanted to cry while driving every time, but once I got out of the car I was fine. It scared the shit out of me and I ended up selling the car. I used to laugh at ghost stories but now I take that shit seriously. What your going through sounds so scary. I would definitely look into it though. Good luck.

Sam said...

Forgot to spell check previous comment. My bad!

TheLittleFlower said...

Great writing. Physical symptoms are one of my biggest fear.

jady said...

only thing thats ruining your relationship is your dog that is now humping my leg. feel better, ill see you soon.

Sam said...

I just realized your following my book blog. Dont follow that one, its so boring, follow this one. http://happinesstourniquet.blogspot.com/ It will keep the ghosts away.

Kanwalful said...

Babe, you know what? You look at wayyyy too many scary pictures everyday. That's what could POSSIBLY make you scared.

Be good, read happy things. And eat a big mac. Also, come over to Pakistan and I'll give you a hug. That'll make you super happy.

Okay now I just sound like a 13 year old lesbian. My bad.

Eva said...

I believe in ghosts. I believe I've seen one before. People think I'm crazy. I think I'm haunted. That's really creepy, I wouldn't sleep in that room.

christina said...

Hahaha I get more scared looking at pictures of flowers and bunnies. I have a tumblr for "lighter" pictures. And yeah Pakistan, I want to come vist. I need a hug for sure. I hope I don't come off as a total downer, I love reading book and I'm a good girl I swear. If you met me you'd never think this blog would belong to me. Haha I like you. You're my favorite.

katieleigh said...

I'm scared for you, that whole thing, the ghosts or spirits or whatever, just scares the fucking crap out of me. I'd rather be dead than feel something a part of me.

I hope it goes away soon, lovely.

Anonymous said...

It can pick and choose, and it does make you more susceptible to be drained by them. I had the same issue two years ago and ended up seeing what was in my apartment 24/7. Almost went crazy. Meditation is key. Also, as crazy as it sounds, try picturing a pink aura around you, if you get a headache you're doing it right. Try burning some sage in your room, and try communicating with it indicating you mean no harm and that you just want to live in peace.

Anonymous said...

I hope that the advice gives you at least some headway.... If you feel like you can talk to it/them, keep doing it until you feel you get results. You can't give in to it because they will continuously feed off you until there isn't anything left and all you ever feel like doing is laying in bed staring at the ceiling. Stay resilient and keep trying different things.