Sunday, January 10, 2010

I might have got a little too personal last night. I was listing everything that i have been diagnosed with and thinking about them. I find it absolutely ridiculous. It's true that i didn't think i would make it this far unscathed because of the traumatic experiences that I've went through. I know that i have depression and that it is a chemical imbalance in my brain. I have had symptoms of bipolar disorder but it was never fully looked into. I have been diagnosed with an eating disorder also. (I also have a panic disorder that is very real. It is the only one that I am sure of. ) But, all of this, aside from the panic disorder, was decided after talking to a doctor for no more than 10 minutes. And to be honest, after a few days of "observation". Many different doctors also gave their opinions, they all their own ideas. They all wanted me on more medicine. I have never had a steady psychiatrist that can really get to the bottom of it.

2009 was a very bad year for me. With the help of the very small amount of people that stuck with me throughout it, i'm hoping for a healthier 2010. I'll get through it with or without the doctors.

I have seen the VERY worst of mental diseases. I am lucky to only suffer what little I do.

If doctors have done this same kind of stuff to you I the suggest doing your own research and trying low doses of the medicines recommended if you think it would be benificial.

Health and happiness my little babies.
Have a good one :]


Stephanie C said...

Aghh!!! Carefull with the meds! Currently I am diagnosed with Bipolar 2 (manic switch), Depression, anxiety disorder, and occasional psychosis. When I first was diagnosed I was simply depressed and had anxiety disorder. Theennnn... I got prescribed all these meds and I started taking them and then 3 weeks later I started hearing voices and became paranoid and psychotic.. It was scary, I would start screaming and clawing at myself out of no where. It was Exorcism of Emily Rose weird! haha I had to be hospitalized and then when I was there I found out that the medication they gave me was what INDUCED the psychosis and schizophrenia... It was creepy so after that I weened myself off of the medication and had to stick it out drug free since... Its hard and even super harder now but damn... From my experience those emotions or mental problems you have usually can be distracted or tamed with distractions. Mine are painting, photography, writing, music... ect ect. I am such a hyper person because of the bipolar but I use to my advantage to get more things done. Read some books, get into some art. Its a hard battle especially when you battle yourself but even the toughest of toughest mental problems can be controlled and treated... without harmful medication.

christina said...

It is a vicious cycle. Once you are in the system you are stuck because of what you just said. I took paxil and it threw me headfirst into mania. I took zoloft and it made me try to take my own life. They give you pills to get you to keep coming back. They drill things in your head until you are convinced that you need them. I felt better before they started testing me on things and now I think it's too late to go medicine free. I'm about to put all my pills in a mickey mouse pez dispenser and call it a damn day.

Stephanie C said...

hahaha what a lovely idea. Maybe if in a Pez dispenser it will help make it seem less... evil. haha It is a vicious cycle and it came too close to killing me many times but it take a lot of work and lots of tears and pain and ugh.. the mania. You should never just stop, you have to ween yourself off of the stuff... but its complicated and requires a lot of supervision thats for sure. What area do you live in anyway?

Eva O'Dell said...

I will be sending you wishes for a happy and healthy 2010. And if all else fails, create art. I think often of a saying I once heard, it goes "If not for art I would not have survived". I think it everyday.

Anonymous said...

i love you. i try to stay away from the meds myself. i absolutely believe that they were responsible for my first suicide attempt.

Ashley @ said...

There is no such thing as being too personal in my eyes.

Just started reading your blog, but I am super glad I did. You're a strong lady. Take care of yourself, dear.

I'll be back for sure.

Amber said...

Oh meds... it seems that you hear more unsuccessful stories than successful. Deep and honest great blog :)